How long is a piece of string?

Robonthenet goes to Youtube with Rob's first live action film.

Young Chris' string is stolen by "The Mog" and with the help of Dr X jr, he sets off on an epic and random quest, like only Rob can write, to get it back.

See Rob in action with a high pitched voice and stutter to match (put on of course) and enjoy Mr X's specular performance as the mad Dr.

Click here to see The Slipped Knot.

When Rob announced that he wanted to rule the UK and expand his ever growing (and shrinking at the same time. You know it makes sense) empire, alot of you thought he was joking. Far from it. Infact we're about to unveil Rob's great plan for the future.

To fund this great campaign, Rob has made those lazy workers work even harder by bringing in mad bulls that will crush anyone out of line. Mad bulls? Did I read that right? Oh well.

Over the following days Rob shall be touring the country and explaining why a vote for Rob's empire will be one you'll never regret.



Take this beauty spot for example. With Rob's new found powers he will be able to turn this lovely sight into a spectacular death camp where the prisoners will enjoy the finest torture money can buy. Not only that but they can enjoy a relaxing swim when the water is full of crocodiles hand bred from egg by the finest animal tamers around. Not a single penny will go to waste improving this already beautiful sight.

But I'm betting you're all saying: "this is too good to be true what's the catch?" Why no catch of course. What we say is what you'll get and if any rival politicians get in the way Rob's army will happily explain to them why it is for the best.

Stay tuned for more plans by Rob for your land. Vote Rob.

The news from Rob.

Spring has arrived in The Land of Rob and all is well........ yes all is well................ as I said..... isn't something meant to go horribly wrong about now? Makes you think doesn't it about how homour today is played out. I mean just what am I talking about?

Todays big question: Just what am I talking about? Over to you Nick.

Yes Tom I'm here in Rob Ville and the people here don't seem to understand just what it is you're talking about. If you just ask the locals here on their views you truly hear their concern. For example this man I just questioned stated that I should get a proper job and stop waisting other people's time. These words alone are enough to show the overall emotion of this area on said topic. Back to you Tom.

Thank you Nick. And we'll have more on that story as it comes in. Right now however we seem to be having a newsflash. It seems it's sunny somewhere but not here. This is serious news people!! We are not making this stuff up you know. Over to you Simon.

Tom I'm here outside The Land of Rob's government building and it's been confirmed that it has been sunny somewhere else but not here and already the people on the streets are in uproar. People have been taking to the streets in groups of next to nothing. We asked this kid what his views were.

"I think it's not fair. I want to go to the beach but it aint hot enough." There you have it Tom. If the government won't act soon these ten kids will have nothing to do and forced to read books all day. This is a national crisis. Back to you Tom

Thank you Simon. Ok that concludes today's new. Join us next time as we discuss the vital issue of whether I should be wearing grey or black socks. till then good night.

When will I get to land? - unedited letter by letter retype of a story written by Rob when he was very young

In a ship called the drunk mans barrel a man was thrown overbord because he had not been working hard. The mans name John Barrel. As he went along in the sea he sow a ship called the pink man. After he had shouted help help and the ship had gone without him he wondered when will I get to land? But I must not tell you what else he had wondered when a big storm came and poor John got thrown out of the barrel and had to swim back to it. When the storm had gone he was so starving because it was lunch time. Suddenly he sow land then no, yes, no, yes, land he sow land. But it was only a small island with two palm trees with one coconut on each tree. The barrel went on the beach so John went out of the barrel and pulled it on to the land. Suddenly he heard a voice. "Go away pirate or I will shoot you dead" said something from the tree. "What" said John wondering who had said that. "I'll give you ten seconds to go or you'll be dead". Then out of the trees came a parrot "I thought you were a pirate". "It is alright" said John "you can come down and what is your name". The parrot came down and landed on a branch just above John's head "my name is Polly Parrot" said Polly. "Oh my name is John Barrel" said John. After John and Polly had something to eat they both went out to sea soon Polly asked questions and by and by John asked questions. The next day the sun was so bright that Polly's feathers was shinning in the sun so Polly said "look at my feathers arnt they lovely". "Yes" said John "they are lovely". John had a picture of the drunk mans barrel. "So that's why you are in a barrel" said Polly "yes" said John "they are lots of people are called barrel but the captain is not called barrel he's called Bang". "Why" said Polly "Why what" said John "Why is he called Bang and the rest are called barrel" said Polly. John said why. Suddenly a ship went past them so John and Polly shouted "help help" and the ship called the hat picked them up and put them on the deck. The sails were shaped as hats and the bridge's roof was shaped as a hat, it was so lovely. Next week they sailed home then two hours later they so land. At the dock they all went home together and talk about were adventure. That night when John and Polly were they dreamed about their adventure.

It's official. Rob has conquered the world.

Yes while on a routine war with the rest of the world Rob discovered that he now controls everything. While slowly building up forces in both south and north america, Rob begun his advances across the globe.

It all begun when a super power begun threatening the world. Rob allied with the 2 other major powers against this foe. In no time at all the war was raging.

While his 2 allies fought, died and advanced, Rob's armies were sitting quiet. Back home Rob was having a party after happily shooting his advisers and made everyone's day by taking control of the war. There were no objections while Rob showed off some harmless pieces of paper which, quite by accident, if course, bore the words death and warrant and harmlessly showed the blank space where the names of traitors are to be written.

Rob had a plan. His allies were weakening the super power and doing all the fighting for him. He could happily sit and get ready for his victory.

Having stayed quiet Rob was now ready. He begun his advance and took both north and south america and set his eyes upon africa where he had many troops.

Soon Rob had an army to be reckoned with. With his arm outstretched he rolled the dice of war and advanced across europe and into asia.

Having been betrayed by his two allies Rob smashed them into the dust and cornered the original menace in australia. But the menace would not give in without a fight. The dice was against Rob as always but with time he managed to bring the menace down.

By this time the menace was tired of war. He was tired of everything and just wanted to go to bed seeing as it was around midnight and the game of risk had been going on for hours.

Fur aint murder when it's still alive.


When out in the cold always wear a scarf.


The Land of Rob has been suffering extreme cold over the past month. To show compassion towards his fellow man at this time of year, Rob has been suffering the cold along side us.

When begged for a comment yesterday, Rob replied: "Until those lazy workers fix my heating I will not stop my wrath upon them." We are indeed fortunate to have such a great motivator as leader of this great land.

After his inspiration able speech, Rob returned to his mansion to continue his plan for the world. While others are suffering the winter chill we can all be thankful that Rob will be warmer and so be able to lead us.

Scientist confirm that the Earth is not in space but on a strange flying frying pan.

A new theory about global warming was announced today. Scientist believe that it isn't the greenhouse gases that are causing global warming. The new theory is set to change the way we look at our planet and science in general.

It was announced today that we are not in space after all and there is no great endless darkness. Instead we are in a giant kitchen in a frying pan. Scientists believe that climate change is simply the result of someone turning on the cooker.

Anyone got any real news for a change?

Mad witch of the mountain refuses to "come down" even after promise of chocolate bar from Rob.

The mad witch of the mountain live a top the highest mountain of The Land of Rob and throws prizes to all who all hill climbers brave enough to reach the mountain's peak. The rest of the year she is said to simply laugh at her own reflection in a mirror and turn on her gas cooker and stir a pot of boiling water and quoting shakespear.

What she is doing up on that mountain or why she calls herself a witch are two questions that may never be answered. But she has become a menace to hill walkers as they use her as an excuse so they don't have to start the long assent up the mountain. The new plans to remove the mad witch are said to insure that these lazy walkers will walk up the mountain whether they want to or not and thusly increasing the income in this country for some reason.

You heard it here first people.