Giant rare crab turtles are back.

The rare bread of crab turtle thought once to be extinct were found again when scientists finaly relised after many hundreds of years that turtles don't have pincers.

One crab turtle was seen attacking Bass Rock yesturday. The birds quickly attacked and ate the turtle. Environmentalists are currently sueing the birds for, as they described, a horrific attack upon a harmless, friendly, lovely, man-eating, city destroyer.
The birds argued their case by stating that they had no choice in the matter and that the turtle was the "tastiest thing" they had ever eaten. After several hours of fierce argueing in the court room, the case concluded with the birds being jailed for contempt of court after the judge recieved a "white supprise" on his suit.
The reporters of Rob questioned some random person who claimed to be an expert in something on his views the action of the birds upon the crab turtle. "We must never be seen to give into such creatures as these," said professor Squidlord. "One moment it's birds killing one and all, the next the sky is falling down." We thanked Professor Squidlord for his words and left him dancing down the road singing about his umbrella named Steve.